You know what I mean. It’s like going on vacation somewhere for a few weeks with you not being able to pinpoint exactly how but your funds start dwindling. Then you realise it’s all those everyday cab fares that you hardly notice spending on- which adds up to quite a lot.
It’s going to school and having the mean guard greet you and tell you that those black leather slingbacks you’ve been wearing day-in day-out are not allowed and that you have to go home and change them which leads you to miss a whole session of class and being unable to get those extra points you could have really used. It’s staying up all night typing your report and finding out that no matter how much you kick it and pray and cry, the printer just won’t print properly.
It’s those little white lies you tell for various reasons. Like a diplomatic answer to one friend’s question when asked if the eye makeup she worked on for hours looked pretty (when it doesn’t). The slightly off-centre-truth you tell when asked about the whereabouts of someone you’re covering for. The little based-on-a-true-story fib about what you will be doing this afternoon that you say so that you can do what you want to do.
It’s that careless remark you say off-handedly which you come to regret when you realise what you just said to the person who suddenly started screaming at you. It’s the stupid little comment said for no reason other than to seem comforting- only it backfired and made the person being comforted even more heated up. And it’s what you failed to say when it was expected of you.
It’s when you let your temper go unchecked and hit someone you care about- only to deeply regret it afterwards. It’s the sms you failed to reply to because you were busy that made your parents think you’re up to something no good. It’s the comforting shoulder and words you did not offer when your girlfriend who was expecting it was telling you her troubles.
Little things mean a lot.
It’s your boyfriend’s hand staying on your shoulder or lowerback as he opens the door for you and lets you in first. It’s that hand that takes yours in it as you cross the road. It’s the kiss on your head when you really needed it.
It’s smiling at the guard and him smiling back and letting you in without scrutinizing every centemeter of your being. It’s staying in class after the 15-minute allowance for the teacher to show up has passed and her coming in with apologies and points for those who were still there.
It’s being listened to and not interrupted when you let out your feelings, hurts and problems. It’s being held close when you’re crying. And it’s deciding to say something when confronted about difficult things that really need to be talked about and not avoiding it or switching to a different subject or just keeping quiet.
Little things, like little seeds, can become something quite big.
*this isnt my piece.. i grabbed it from some random site and somehow when i read it.. it jsut struck me.. it seemed as if it was me who was writing the post when i was still completely sane.. when everything fell into place as it was supposed to.. when my life wasnt a mess.. i just hope there are better things in store for me,, coz right now ive got shitloads of problems and no one to run to,, my mom and steph is in the states,, most of my friends are nowhere to be found,, "we" broke up.. *we* dont share the same bond "we" used to have,, and as for me.. here i am.. standing alone.. with no one to save me.. PLEASE HELP ME IM GOING CRAZY*