I just wanted to know how you were doing... I know we've been through so much shit lately specially you, you've been putting up with me since i arrived from the states and i cant believe you've come this far, don't get me wrong I'm glad you did. Last night was intense for me, I thought about everything literally EVERYTHING that happened between us. Remember our first month? We were quite a pair, a shocking couple for some... the best thing i remembered was we were inseparable, so much inlove, our intentions were so pure. The only thing we wanted to do was be with each other, nothing else mattered but us yeah US. I can still remember all the laughter and happiness we shared. I could still remember the exact feeling i had when you first held my hand in public, i can still feel it through my body everytime i think of it. Then summer came and i left i was bummed about the fact that i wouldn't be around during our first two monthsaries. I remember the look on your face the first time you saw me at the airport after two long months, your eyes were swollen due to lack of sleep. We spent the whole day together even if you weren't able to sleep the night before then we spent the whole day together the day after that as well. It was then you noticed how I've changed I've been distant and different, you knew i was acting weird but you didn't pay attention to it. You used to apologize all the time just to prevent us from fighting i was very abusive back then and still you stayed. I remember having problems with my family and i didn't want you to get involved you were so sad that i had shut you out, but you ended up being the solution to my problems, you were my savior. The other months went by as if it were seconds we kept on arguing and breaking up every so often that we kinda ruined our relationship. It wasn't until last night that i paid close attention to it and i didn't notice the damage I've done till now. I've done so much that the special love we used to share has faded away,maybe not completely but mostly. I have done so much damage to you.. me.. US.. that its unrepairable. i am wallowing in my own sadness, drowning in my own tears its eating me up inside. I really want to fix this but i don't know where to start.. i don't know if i can.. i don't if WE can.. I'm regretting everything i have said and done but i guess there's no point in doing so.. i don't know what to do coz i love you more now than i have ever loved you and for you.. its the other way around i know its my fault I've been so stubborn.. I've taken advantage of what you've given me.. I'm lost. Everyone thinks were both happy coz they all think were the perfect pair, we have our differences but we were crazy about each other.. maybe that's the only thing important but what about us?will our memories be the only thing left for us to love? I've been thinking, really thinking.. i know I've been such a bitch to you but I will make it up to you i swear. i cant lose you! i need you! i love you! i don't want to end up regretting letting you go without doing anything.. i believe in our relationship.. i wont give up. i promise.
♥♥♥
Bea
Bea
2:40 AM